Perspectives from a mother, grandmother, leader, and partner
It's a fact.
Women often play more of a caregiving role throughout their lives, often putting themselves behind their kids, aging parents, partners, and even work teams. See the stats below.
After 60+ years of being a caregiver of various types, I am finally learning how to accept care graciously and spend more time caring for the most important person in my life—me. Because if I'm not physically and mentally healthy and fulfilled, I'm of no use to anyone, including myself.
My role as a "caregiver" began at an early age. My brothers (one older and one younger) often looked to me for help.
My teachers tapped me as a trusted assistant starting in kindergarten.
Fast forward to adulthood. I managed a team at work and tried to be responsive to their needs. I raised two daughters and ensured they were healthy, prepared for school and activities, and ultimately ready for the workforce. I managed the household and hired and managed childcare.
My younger brother passed away, and I was somehow selected to plan the funeral and deliver and eulogy. Apparently, when you prove that you're good at caregiving, others assume you'll always be in charge of it. My boundary-setting skills were not as refined as they are now.
And, just when I thought my caregiving duties were waning, my mother got really sick and I became "the adult in charge," ensuring she was able to age in place and then settling her estate when she died.
I hope my little life story isn't stressing you out. And I don't intend for this to be a pity party. Rest assured that we have all experienced some type of "caregiving overload" at various times in our lives.
Some obligations simply come with the territory. When you decide to have kids or get a pet or even to cohabitate or marry, you assume some level of responsibility for taking care of other human beings and their needs.
Accepting a leadership position puts you in a place where you care for others' career aspirations and economic needs.
You can care without becoming the designated caregiver.
When you're in a role where you need to care for others, quickly figure out what other help you might need to assume that position.
Set boundaries and ensure others aren't exploiting your compassion and/or time. Ask for help when you need it!
If you're caring for children or aging parents, seek out groups of people in similar situations who can provide guidance and emotional support.
Be compassionate to those in your circle (work or life) dealing with caregiving challenges.
Above all, care for yourself! You may not be able to jet off for a spa weekend when you have a newborn at home or an aging parent who needs care, but attempt to squeeze in those moments that will relax and energize you. Meditation, a massage, or even escaping into a book or movie can provide you with a much-needed reboot.
Watch this space this month as other SOS members share their caregiving stories and guidance! Do you have a story to share? We'd love to hear it. Please get in touch!
Some interesting caregiving facts and stats:
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